i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
