Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
