is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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