Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Send help, water and tortillas.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
