bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
