Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
