i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
