Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
