man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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