Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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