You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My penis needs a shock collar
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
