When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
