She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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