The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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