I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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