Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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