She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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