Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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