I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
