ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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