alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
