his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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