Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
