I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
