So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
high people should be assigned attendants
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize