Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
