I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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