what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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