maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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