I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
