Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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