He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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