remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's blow job season.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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