You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
