do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
