Slut skills are useful in every country.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
