i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
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Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
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How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
soo... how was my night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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