we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
