I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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