her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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