Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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