Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
