Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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