I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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