i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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