He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
