My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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