I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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