yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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