The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
