About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
