just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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