If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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