Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
