my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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