then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I love having hate sex.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
