dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
