Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
