That's intense
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
