I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
