I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
