woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize