my sisters under your porch take her home
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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