Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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