im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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