this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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