i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I stole a fireplace last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
