There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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