I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
